It should come as no great surprise that a platform literally called “Tea” has brought on weeks of discourse and mass pandemonium. The app/whisper network was created by Sean Cook in 2023, as a measure for straight women to stay safe on the dating scene. Its users can review their experiences with different men and post pictures of guys they’re currently involved with, the idea being that other local Tea-denizens can weigh in on their own negative and/or dangerous experiences via the comment section. Since its rise to popularity this summer, the app has seen its fair share of controversies. There have been data leaks, and plenty of questions about the legal privacy concerns. But now there’s also an imitator. Earlier this month, a Wario emerged: the counterapp “TeaOnHer” (super creative name), developed by the Newville Media Corporation, with a tagline to “help men date safe.”
Beyond the obvious gender flip, TeaOnHer has taken other liberties with the OG Tea app’s structure. Men can still review women anonymously—women they may or may not have actually dated (there’s no verification required to confirm the validity of claims made on either app), but the reviews themselves center around fairly different red flags than the ones you’d run across on Tea.
On Tea, posts from users have covered a wide range of cautionary tales. You’ll run into plenty of fairly common transgressions: “he ghosted after the first date” or “he takes weeks to text back.” These offenses are troubling as far as ego blows go, but you might question whether they warrant such mass exposure. It’s the more serious posts—like the ones that flag a man with sexual assault allegations, or the men listed on the app’s registered sex offender map—that clarify why there’s a need for Tea. Gossip often offers protection. In no shock to anyone who’s cautiously shared their location with three to four different people before a first date, casually dating cisgender, straight men can pose extreme threats to someone’s physical safety. Naming and shaming key offenders arms women with the information they need to protect themselves.
But if you think straight men dating women need a similar platform to air their woes, the offenses you’ll find on TeaOnHer don’t present a strong case as to why. Most posts read more like generic misogynistic complaints about women, the same kind you can find on any other social platform—just not with a person’s picture, age, and legal first name attached.
When I downloaded TeaOnHer to find out which alleged female delinquencies were being exposed, I also discovered the sign-up process is more casual in comparison to Tea 1.0. Both apps have you upload a selfie and legal identification. (That step made Tea’s data leak all the more dangerous for the users who downloaded the app seeking advice and community in threatening dating situations.) But TeaOnHer lets you browse through profiles before your verifications are complete. So literally anyone (like myself) can read reviews about someone like Ashley, who’s made the grave offense of “being with hella guys,” or Jorden, who one user “already cracked, but [is] tryna see if she’s still outside.”
TeaOnHer is being used in a way that undermines Tea’s mission (a mission that ran into a drastic security-related hiccup, but was still a mission nonetheless). Its current usership seems more intent on “evening the score” than helping men date safely. Critics online have called out the fact that the app’s existence feels powered by toxic “not all men” rhetoric. “We made an app to protect ourselves, and they made one to violate us,” said one TikTok commentator. Others are calling attention to ways women can protect themselves against dangers that TeaOnHer can raise should you get posted: “If you find your [picture] on there, gather evidence and take it to both criminal and civil court,” another TikTok commenter advised.
Everyone deserves to feel safe while dating. If TeaOnHer existed for the sole purpose of providing men with a place to unpack uncomfortable experiences and warn their peers about ways to protect themselves, the app’s mission wouldn’t be mistaken for something sinister. Unfortunately, the way it’s being used in reality—to shame and expose women—endangers more people than it helps.
Right now, TeaOnHer—currently the second most downloaded app on the App Store—functions as a disheartening sign that we’ve reached another chapter in the internet’s regressive gender wars. Only time will tell what new set of security issues and dangers will arise for the women it sets out to “expose.”
