Being on top during sex can feel super empowering, but let’s be honest, knowing how to ride dick isn’t always as effortless or intuitive as movie sex scenes make it seem. Casually hopping on without fumbling, cramping, or stopping for more lube? I don’t think so! But once you do get the hang of it? It’s like the best dry-humping experience of your life, but hotter, wetter, and guaranteed to make your next brunch story one for the group chat.
The best thing about being on top is that you can make it work for both you and your partner. “Most people assume ‘riding’ means a cowgirl-style position with someone on top of a penis or strap-on, but there are so many ways to approach it,” says Natassia Miller, AASECT-certified sexologist with DatingAdvice.com. “It’s more about the vibe—who’s in control, how you’re moving, and what kind of stimulation you’re getting.”
Mindy DeSeta, PhD, a sexologist with Hily, adds that this topping position is ideal for maximizing clitoral contact and customizing penetration depth and angle. “It’s one of the best positions for people with vulvas to orgasm, but it’s not just for cis-hetero couples,” she explains. “People across the entire spectrum of gender identities and sexual orientations can experience pleasure from the cowgirl/cowboy position.”
Still, there’s a learning curve. Whether you’re trying to ride your partner during penetrative sex or exploring being on top with toys like dildos or strap-ons, it’s totally normal to have questions. Like… what position actually works best? How do I move my hips without feeling like I pulled something? And is there a way to make this feel good for both of us without bouncing like I’m at SoulCycle? Don’t worry. We have your back.
These expert-approved sex tips for riding dick will help you feel confident in the cowgirl position, without sore knees, performance anxiety, or awkward rhythm mishaps. Can I get a “yee-haw”?
Communicate, communicate, communicate.
If being on top feels awkward, clunky, or just off, the best thing you can do is speak up. And that might mean before you even mount your (very lucky) partner. All good!
“The magic of being on top isn’t just about mechanics; it’s about power and play,” explains Miller. “It lets you explore control, experiment with angles, and prioritize your own pleasure in a way that can feel liberating. There’s no ‘right’ way to ride. It’s less about technique and more about communication and tuning in to what feels good for both of you.”
DeSeta suggests asking questions like, “How does this feel?” or “Do you like this pace?” to get a read on your partner. And while you’re checking in with them, ask yourself the same questions. You’re not failing at sex if you pivot mid-thrust or laugh through a clumsy moment—you’re just being real.
Ease into (or onto) it.
Wondering how to segue gracefully onto your partner’s body without throwing out your back or flailing like an inflatable tube person outside of a used car lot? Start simple. “Begin by kneeling over your partner and gently lower yourself down,” says Antonia Hall, a sex and relationship expert and the author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life. “From there, it’s easy to bounce or rock your hips, adjusting your angle to stimulate your clitoris.” You can also try squatting with your feet flat—yes, it takes more balance, but it can open your hips for deeper penetration.
Once you’re in place, experiment with what feels good: You can hold onto your partner’s shoulders for intimate skin-to-skin contact, lean over and press into them, or put your hands on the bed and use it for support. Headboards and headrests (if you’re pulling a Titanic in the car) are also 10/10 options.
Go slow (seriously).
Being on top is sexy, but it’s also a workout. We’re talking lots of pressure on your back and knees after just a few bounces. To make things more comfortable, certified Latine sexual health expert Cindy Luquin suggests placing sex pillows (or even those random throw pillows from your couch) under your knees or using a sex wedge to support your weight and improve your angle.
Ask your partner for help, too—they can hold you in place or guide your hips to a more comfortable position. It builds connection and eases the pressure on your body.
And PSA: Hall notes that woman-on-top is is actually the most common position for penile fractures (rare, but still), so move with intention and stay in tune with your partner’s body. Bonus: Strengthening your core and pelvic floor with cardio, strength training, or Kegels can help you last longer and cum harder—if you wanted a reason to work out, ofc.
Remember to breathe.
Speaking of working out, being on top takes effort—like, actual cardio effort. If you’ve ever gasped mid-thrust and thought, Is this what death feels like?, welcome to the club.“The biggest thing is to remember to breathe,” says Layla Martin, sexpert and author of Wild Woman in the Bedroom. “If you’ve ever done intensive workouts, you can go much farther and longer if you breathe deeply.” Deep, intentional breaths can help you stay focused on sensation and delay burnout.
And if you need a break? Let your partner do some of the work. “It’s important to stay in your body,” says Luquin. “Slow down if you need to. It’s not a race. Think about what feels right and go from there.” Try leaning forward into more of a missionary-style pose since it can ease strain on your body and signals your partner to meet you halfway with the thrusting. TL;DR: You don’t have to perform like you’re in a marathon porn scene.
Play with the angles.
Too deep? Feeling off? You’re probably just a few inches (or degrees) away from your ideal position. “If the penetration feels too extreme, try lying forward and propping yourself up on your hands or forearms, almost like you’re in missionary,” suggests Martin.
Honestly, small shifts in your posture—sitting upright, tilting slightly back, or leaning into your partner—can totally change the sensation. To find that sweet spot, Martin suggests moving your body forward and back very slowly, and left to right, to see if you can notice any slight differences in sensation. Basically, troubleshoot!
“The key is to not get caught up thinking it’s not working and you need to fix it,” she says. “Focus instead on sensually discovering the spot that holds the greatest pleasure for you.” Don’t be afraid to adjust mid-thrust either; what feels good will likely change as things get going, DeSeta adds, so try leaning into the pleasure.
Move your hips.
Once you find the right angle, the next hurdle is figuring out how to actually move. Don’t worry—you don’t need Magic Mike-level rhythm to make it feel amazing, Miller says. “Start by making small, slow adjustments to your hips or body until you hit that sweet spot,” adds Hall.
If you want an all-time classic trick, one of our favorites is using your hips to trace out the letters of the word “coconut.” Think about it—it’s all rounded shapes that feel good to move through. If you want more to spell, try “cowgirl,” if you’re feeling extra on-brand. “Go at a medium pace that allows you and your partner to feel each rhythm or letter,” says sexologist Malika O’Neill, LPC, founder and CEO of The Pleasure Collective, LLC. “This not only makes things more pleasurable, but also gives you a chance to gauge their reaction and adjust.”
If having a sexy internal spelling bee feels weird, try looping slow “W” or “M” shapes, or just go full freestyle with a lazy “O” if that’s what hits. “You don’t even have to spell anything,” O’Neill says. “No one’s grading your penmanship.” If your hips are just typing “WWWWWWWW” over and over again, and it’s working for both of you? Congrats! You’ve passed.
Explore different positions.
There are so many ways to ride. Lie on top of your partner! Sit with your legs straight out while they’re sitting up! Straddle them in a chair! Face away from them entirely! Martin adds that reverse cowgirl, in particular, can feel “hugely liberating,” whether you’re sitting upright or leaning onto your forearms.
For extra control, try Martin’s advanced trick: “Lean slightly to one side, place a hand down to support yourself, and gently lift your pelvis.” That light lift can give you more range to undulate, which she says can feel hella erotic.
Oh, and pro tip: You’re not confined to the bed. “Try seated positions in a chair, on a toilet seat, or in the backseat of a car,” suggests We-Vibe sexologist Shamyra Howard, PhD. Or, um, hi, just take things to the floor. “Many people prefer being on top during floor sex because the floor provides more stability,” she explains. It’s giving “Aidan and Carrie on the kitchen floor” energy, and we are here for it.
And different types of sex.
Penetration doesn’t even have to be on the menu for riding, FYI. If you want to get off on top without getting it in, you have options. Grinding, fingering, and oral sex (looking at you, face sitting) are *chef’s kiss,* as is having anal sex by wearing a strap-on and pegging your partner.
If you and your partner both have vulvas, try tribbing (aka scissoring), which is when vulva owners intertwine their legs and rub their genitals together to facilitate clit-to-clit or clit-to-labia stimulation, Howard explains. If you want to increase pleasure, lube can help by making penetration easier (and all types of sex wayyy better). You can even incorporate arousal gels to increase sensation even more. What did I tell you? Options!
Stimulate the clitoris.
This tip is the one that needs to be tattooed in your brain. As mentioned, riding isn’t just about penetration. In fact, clitoral stimulation is often (or at least should be) the main event. “Your vulva and clitoris are very accessible in this position,” Martin explains. “And the vast majority of people with vaginas find intercourse much more pleasurable if they are also stroking or being stroked in this area.”
You also have more control over the speed, angle, and intensity of said clit stim, so it’s easier to find (and keep!) a rhythm that works for you. If you’re into grinding, try tucking your hand between your bodies and pressing against it as you move. If you like direct pressure, lean back for better access.
Want to get even more out of the moment? Tease their erogenous zones, add some nipple play, or try edging—where you get close to orgasm, then pause to make the eventual climax stronger. You’re in charge here, so think about your pleasure, take the reins, and do exactly what you want (consensually, ofc).
Bring in some toys.
If they weren’t already, sex toys are officially your new BFFs. Most people with vulvas can’t orgasm with penetration alone, so go ahead and throw some stimulating little goodies into the mix. A bullet vibe is an easy and unobtrusive addition, while wand vibrators are great for clitoral stimulation during partnered sex, explains Howard. “They’re especially good for people who like more vulva coverage.” The wand can stimulate more of the outer labia and the clitoris simultaneously, which means more of everything all at once.
If you want a hands-free way to stimulate the clitoris while on top, Howard says vibrating cock rings, wearable vibes, and couples’ toys can all do the trick, and they provide extra stimulation to your partner’s penis. Win-win.
Get out of your head.
Feeling awkward on top? Totally normal. But overthinking the whole thing can actually sabotage your pleasure. “This is typically where people lose rhythm or feel too anxious to enjoy the moment,” says O’Neill. Instead, let your hips lead. “Trying to work your entire body will tire you out faster,” she explains. You don’t need to perform; you just need to feel good.
If your inner critic creeps in, remember: “It’s 99 percent guaranteed your partner is thrilled just being there,” says sexuality coach Elena Lynn Wolfbrandt. Try riding belly-to-belly or closing your legs around them for more clitoral stimulation and less pressure to “perform.”
“Focus on movements and angles that feel amazing for you,” urges DeSeta. “A confident sex partner who’s clearly enjoying themselves is incredibly attractive and will enhance the experience for both of you.”
It’s okay not to like it.
There’s nothing that says you *have* to like being on top (or even try it at all). Just like anything else, some folks dig it, some folks hate it, and some are “meh” about it. Trust: Not loving being on top doesn’t say anything about you. “You might prefer when your partner takes the lead, experience pain in this position, or feel too exposed,” says O’Neill. All valid. If it’s not your thing, you’re allowed to say so. Try offering a positive alternative instead—like, “I love when you take me from behind”—and focus on what feels good for you, not just what looks good to them.
