Dividing up chores between two cohabitating partners is always a tricky situation — which is why the term “weaponized incompetence” has gained so much steam over the past few years. The term has become so popular on TikTok that the topic currently has over 148 million views.
The newish term for an age-old issue refers to one partner in a relationship pretending that they aren’t capable of doing a mind-numbingly dull, repetitive but important everyday task — like laundry, cooking or grocery shopping — in order to avoid it. This typically causes the other partner to get frustrated and resentfully take on that responsibility.
And although being lazy or uninterested in managing a household is not limited to people of a single gender, men tend to escape the brunt of the domestic burdens in heterosexual relationships, at the expense of women.
This isn’t just a stereotype; it’s backed up by data. A 2020 Gallup study conducted in the U.S. found that even among egalitarian-minded millennial couples, women are still more likely to clean the house, shop for groceries, cook meals and make decisions about furnishing and decorating the home.
The study found that while men do take on a few domestic responsibilities, they take their cues from older generations and pick up tasks that can be done on their own schedules, like car maintenance and yard work.
“I think it has a lot to do with our deeply held stereotypes and assumptions about traditional gender roles at home ― they are quite difficult to challenge or break once set into motion,” said Rebecca Horne, then a third-year Ph.D. student in the department of psychology at the University of Toronto who spoke to HuffPost in 2020.
Horne also led a different study in 2019 that found that women of all ages still tend to do more household chores than their male partners, no matter how much they work or earn in a job outside the home.
So when a Twitter user published a post in early June about how another user on the platform was stunned that the term “weaponized incompetence” was a “real thing,” she couldn’t help but ask others on Twitter to share their experiences.
Someone in my mentions was stunned that weaponized incompetence “is a real thing”.
Understandable. This is a new term for an old behavior. But for fun, as a treat, how about we share our most absurd experiences of weaponized incompetence.
— Cooper (@Cooperstreaming) June 6, 2023
So, if you could relate to this unfair labor dilemma, put down your mop and let your lasagna burn in order to read about other people’s rage-inducing experiences below.
I asked my ex (a 40 year old man who’d been living on his own for 20 yrs) if he’d boil some water in the kettle for me. And he asked “How do I do that?” To be clear, this was his house, his stove, and his kettle.
— Kelly Mangan (She/Her) 🏳️🌈 (@KellyAMangan) June 7, 2023
My husband: I dont know where to put the dishes away. Its confusing
Also my husband: I know the location of all parts in my warehouse, my inventory is organized perfectly.
Me: and yet you dont know where dishes are stored
— Melissa 🇨🇦 (@discoprincess) June 6, 2023
My ex put bleach in a dark load intentionally. When I asked why, he said, “Because I don’t want to do laundry, and you will never ask me to do it again!”
— Ruthann (@rjkretser) June 7, 2023
My ex tried to tell me he didn’t know how to use bleach in the washing machine. I’m like you put it in the hole next to the detergent that says “bleach”. He’s a software architect that makes 6 figures.
— B (they/them) (@normalishvegan) June 6, 2023
The men in my family can fix engines, computers and do home repairs but act like breaking down a box for recycling is impossible.
— JulieAnne Stark (@StarkJulieanne) June 6, 2023
My ex refused to ever wipe down surfaces.
The kitchen counter after doing dishes, dusting the living room, cleaning the shower/toilet, etc.
He claimed that my “cleaning standards were too high” & said he could “never make me happy,” despite me telling him exactly what would.— TheFitFem ”강페미“ (@the_fit_fem) June 6, 2023
My ex refused to clean his bathroom and when he moved out the faucet wasn’t working and I learned he hadn’t showered in at least 6 weeks and was just using baby wipes.
— Attack Kangaroo: A Baela stan account (@marie_ghost) June 6, 2023
I would ask my ex to handle dinner for us on days where I worked 3 or more of my 5 jobs. He would typically either 1) ask me to list the things we had available to make in the house or 2) order out and get me to pay for my half.
— Lauren bIm Allen (@lesmis456) June 7, 2023
I asked my ex to clean the tv stand/tv (dust). Showed him what to use. I look over & he’s using the wrong thing on the tv screen, which could do damage. I say something. He says “Well if I can’t do it YOUR WAY I guess I just won’t do it anymore, since I can’t do anything right.”
— Tater Tot Girl Summer McGee (@tatertotsmcgee) June 6, 2023
“I don’t know what brand 𝓌𝑒 buy”
> Turns down every request to go grocery shopping together. Somehow eats most of the food before I got a bite, but doesn’t remember any of the packaging enough to pick it up ? ? ?— Natalie~🏳️🌈☆ (@StudioKoko91) June 7, 2023
My dad is 73 and claims not to know how to run the washing machine.
— Thee Cis Rev. Dr. Boudyka (@bdk1521) June 6, 2023
