The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humor lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
coworker: hey circling back on that thing we talked about in december
me: stop living in the past
— trash jones (@jzux) January 2, 2024
got entirely roasted by TSA
him: what is this?
me: a jar of caramel
him: why do you have a jar of caramel?
me: Christmas gift
him: for who?
me: I’m going to see my bf’s family
him: and you thought “oh, I’ll bring them a jar of caramel”??and then he laughed at me!!! 😭
— Kate Whitaker 🌷☕️ (@kwhitaker_) January 3, 2024
My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.
— Frances Hardinge (@FrancesHardinge) January 2, 2024
I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little fucking paperwork.
— kate♡ (@unimpresst) December 31, 2023
i’m forever loyal to that password i chose at age 12 😭😭
— ©🎀 (@casbby888) January 3, 2024
instead of dry January I’m doing why January. it’s where every day i stand in the middle of the street & scream WHY GOD WHY
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) January 2, 2024
i wish champagne would open with less gusto…like read the room babe it’s just me
— chase (@_chase_____) January 1, 2024
When I’m on deadline: Absolutely NOBODY talk to me I cannot process a SINGLE thought that is not about this story in front of me
When my friends are on deadline: do you think polar bears know how to love 🥰
— Hayley Harding (@Hayley__Harding) January 4, 2024
concert goers be like “that’s my emotional support piece of confetti i found crumpled underneath someone’s shoe”
— alexis kimberly (@notsixela) January 4, 2024
Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that???
— Grip Bayless (@talleyberrybaby) January 2, 2024
I love leap years, every 4 years the calendar just goes now let’s do a silly one
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) January 1, 2024
I see your girl math and raise you childfree math, which is justifying every purchase by the fact that you aren’t spending money on children.
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) January 4, 2024
Woke up this morning expecting a raging headache. My husband said, “Wanna know why your head doesn’t hurt so bad? Your last several gin and tonics I ordered for you were just water.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) January 1, 2024
hey girl!! not to be weird but i just wanted to let u know that somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend that i had in february of last year? just wanted to let u know! its not confidential!!
— trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) January 2, 2024
just got the funniest message from my director cuz my whole team thought the office was closed on 1/2 and reopens on 1/3 lmaoooooooo
— ashley ray (@theashleyray) January 2, 2024
I was using vinegar while cleaning my bathroom and then I thought hm maybe I should bleach this too and long story short that is mustard gas https://t.co/oimGcsN9TO
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) December 31, 2023
every day bernie sanders makes Very Serious news and every day news outlets use a picture of me asking him about his spotify wrapped pic.twitter.com/eYjFP5jYka
— Oriana González (@OrianaBeLike) January 3, 2024
oh nooo a minor inconvenience guess i’ll die
— clare (@sadderlizards) January 4, 2024
I’m rereading/listening to some of the American Girl books on Libby and man, Valerie Tripp did not mess around. We’re like 5 pages into Meet Felicity and already I’ve learned about how general stores functioned in the 13 colonies, the purpose of a sampler, and what alcoholism is.
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) January 2, 2024
i love having a dishwasher but i do wish they could better accommodate my very bowl-heavy lifestyle
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) January 2, 2024
I love the phrase “mind you” because watch how I piece this shit together for you darling just wait.
— coffee bae (@iamsashakae) January 3, 2024
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