Julio Torres’s Date Night Tip? Make Yourself Into Their Algorithm

Welcome to the Friday Night Phone Call series, where we conduct a cheeky, little-bit-flirty after-hours interview with a celebrity of our choosing and ask them all the hard-hitting questions, like “What are you wearing right now?” and “Candles, yea or nay?” Even more challenging? We do it all in 30 minutes. Thank us later.

Julio Torres is many, many fabulous things: a writer (formerly of SNL), a show cocreator (his comedy Los Espookys aired for two seasons on HBO Max), and an actor/director (his movie Problemista comes out literally today). Technically speaking, those are the reasons we picked him for this column, in which we conduct a cheeky after-hours interview with a celebrity. But the actual reason is that he’s a really fucking hilarious person, and we suspected he’d answer our Qs with borderline-shocking honesty. Friends, we’re elated to report he did just that.

Let’s start with something intimate: What are you wearing right now?

Some black shorts and a T-shirt. If the shirt was made for a wedding, is it called merch? I like the fit of it.

I’m sure the couple would be thrilled to hear that, because after the wedding in question, those things rarely see the light of day.

It’s pretty decent quality! By that I mean it hasn’t been destroyed and it doesn’t feel like shit.

Is this your typical cozy outfit?

I’m rarely cozy. I feel like I’m never quite wearing the right thing in terms of comfort. I got a robe because I thought I was going to be a robe person, but turns out I’m not. It’s a lot of adjusting and fidgeting.

Yeah, like you feel like the Michelin Man when you wear one. What about your pajama game?

I don’t like wearing anything when I go to bed. I don’t want more stuff. I don’t want something else to keep track of.

Pajamas are sort of an inconvenience. Okay, onto dating. When someone is coming over for a night in, what’s your routine?

I am certainly not cooking. That goes hand in hand with my fear of fire.

Does that fear include candles?

Yes. I am not a candle person.

Right, so no candles to set the mood, and you’re not cooking, which means you are…?

I’m probably watching something trying to see what the person’s taste is, what their interests are. I actually find joy in coming up with something someone would enjoy watching.

Will you make the selection before your special someone comes over?

I’ll have a short list and then maybe we’ll watch trailers.

Do you have a go-to genre?

I try to make myself into their algorithm and be like, “Okay, if you’ve liked this, you might enjoy this.”

When was the last time you absolutely nailed the recommendation?

We watched the movie Victoria and it was a hit. So I’m very happy.

Remind me to text you the next time I need a date night rec.