YouTuber Colleen Ballinger broke her silence months after denying allegations that she “groomed” her fans in a song posted to YouTube.
In June, Ballinger responded to allegations from fans that she “groomed” them with a 10-minute YouTube video of her playing the ukulele and singing a song titled “Toxic Gossip Train,” in which she denied the allegations.
“I know you want me to say that I was 100% in the wrong. Well, I’m sorry, I’m not gonna take that route,” she sang in the video.
In the first few minutes of a YouTube video posted on Saturday titled “fall vlogs,” Ballinger described the post as “really embarrassing” and apologized to fans.
“I was being accused of some pretty awful things, and I just was mad. I should have handled that situation with maturity and empathy, but instead, I just let my ego take over, and I’m really disappointed in myself,” she said.
The song received criticism from fans and those who came forward with the grooming allegations.
“I’m so happy for you, Colleen, that you get to make a silly little song out of all of this and no repercussions,” former fan Adam McIntyre, who had come forward with allegations, said in a YouTube video after “Toxic Gossip Train” was posted.
In her latest video, Ballinger acknowledged that there have been moments in her 15-year-long career where she was “immature and inappropriate with some of my comedy” and “did not put enough thought into some of my fan interactions.”
Ballinger stated, “I am not a perfect person, and there are plenty of things in my past that I wish I could go back and redo and fix and change.”
She continued, “I don’t have control over any of that, and I don’t have control over the things people say about me. I only have control over my actions moving forward, and so I’m going to do everything that I can to make sure that I create a positive, kind, inclusive, safe space online with my content.”
The vlog on Saturday was the first video Ballinger posted to YouTube since “Toxic Gossip Train.” Following the grooming allegations and the song, the remainder of Ballinger’s tour was canceled.
In her video on Saturday, Ballinger acknowledged her silence since her last post, explaining that she needed to take time to “make sure I was listening and learning as much as possible” and to “get the help that I needed to be OK.”
She added, “I don’t expect to change anyone’s mind with this video. I just wanted to come on here and say that I’m sorry, and I wanted to try to show people that it’s possible for someone to grow and learn and be better after making mistakes many, many years ago, so that’s what I’m going to do.”