Being single and actively looking for matches on a dating app is like a second job ― a terrible, soul-crushing second shift you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.
There’s some highs to dating ― a first date that actually ends in making plans for a second? ― and lots of time-wasting lows. Below, we’ve rounded up 30 funny tweets about being single that will hit home if you’re still swiping.
I have no idea what it means when people say that they’re “just dating for fun”
— Hanna Dickinson (@hansdickie) January 24, 2022
Going on a hike date wish me luck in finding out if I like someone while covered in dirt
— Blair Socci (@blairsocci) September 16, 2022
first date idea: take him near a 12 foot skeleton to see if he’s lying about his height
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) October 15, 2023
tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) October 16, 2023
I don’t hunt or fish so for my online dating profile I would just post a picture of me holding an old PS2 Controller by the cord
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) March 14, 2023
Too many ex boyfriends like my tweets about being single.
— Eliza Skinner #wgastrong (@elizaskinner) July 5, 2022
thinking about the time someone i met on dating app said “i am demisexual, i like to get to know someone a little better before we have sex” and i was like “isn’t that just normal people” and she blocked me
— ✿ autodesk hate account ✿ (@duckbldg) October 18, 2023
The dudes who are “afraid of commitment” are the same dudes who have committed to a single solitary bath towel for the last 12 years
— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) January 14, 2022
There needs to be a grocery store for single people where they sell flour by the tablespoon
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) October 8, 2023
Get a man to take you to Cheesecake Factory on the first date so you know he can read a book
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) April 29, 2021
Every time I go on a date I reward myself with a hot pocket for my open heartedness
— Blair Socci (@blairsocci) June 18, 2021
on this day Lord, I ask thee to protect me from someday dating someone who wants to make TikToks together.
— Skyler Higley (@skyler_higley) June 20, 2021
so single i get mad when my uber drivers aren’t as hot as their pictures
— i can be your long lost pal (@PallaviGunalan) September 17, 2021
going back on hinge with the sole purpose of finding someone with in unit washer/dryer
— juniper (@junithediabetic) October 15, 2023
If my mom wrote my dating profile: she’s “A LOT”
— limp brittzkit (@Brittymigs) May 17, 2023
I don’t think I could date a tall guy again partly due to my irrational fear of the property brothers
— cinnamon bun (@notsofiacoppola) January 13, 2023
Every single woman on Hinge loves hiking, just across the board. Is there a dating app for lazy people? That’s what I need.
— Chris Evangelista (@cevangelista413) October 17, 2023
me: dating is tough, lot of weirdos out there
me on a date: so here’s everything i know about the jonestown massacre
— trash jones (@jzux) April 4, 2022
Collecting people on hinge like Tamagotchis. My little Nintendogs. The Neopets I will forget to check on.
— 𝔯𝔲 𝔯𝔲 (@lilruzi) October 13, 2023
Yes I’m on a dating app. No I don’t want to go on a date or meet anyone new ever. We exist
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) November 10, 2021
it’s always some guy on hinge who identifies as a moderate who comments on your first photo to tell you he wants to make you a wife and a mother by tomorrow
— paige hettinger (@404paigenotfnd) October 12, 2023
“Would you still date me if I was–“ NO. You’re already on thin ice right now.
— Skyler Higley (@skyler_higley) March 22, 2023
I went on a date last night and the guy kept calling it a meet-cute and I really don’t know if he remembers we met on hinge
— Courtney Parchman (@cornydawgy) October 19, 2023
Back on hinge. Seeing lots of Austin gays have “CEO” as their job title. It’s nice to see equal amounts of gays represented in the scamming space.
— DunkinGay Capital (@dunkin_nyc) May 18, 2023
“Date yourself” no thank you I am a nightmare.
— Lindsay Theisen (@lindsaytheis) June 18, 2021
People on dating apps are like “if you don’t like tacos you don’t deserve love”
— sleepiest girl in the whole wide world (@v_dcknz) December 29, 2021
my #1 love language is probably physical touch but you’ll see me dead before i put that on a dating app. what do i look like some kind of pervert. don’t answer that
— rishi (@rishipuff) July 23, 2022
first dates in your 30s are awesome because you get to be asked when you want kids by someone you have no chemistry with
— danielle weisberg for hire (@danielleweisber) January 3, 2023
gonna start introducing men i am casually dating as my insignificant other
— Cilantro.bb.95@aim.com (@bb_apes) February 5, 2023
